I wonder what you would have looked like


We made room in the office for your crib

And thought about pre-school

Sitting in the hospital

She was crying at the vet earlier when it happened

Our cat needed a heart scan

Balancing the insane motion

Surprising blood and pieces of a life

Red underwear in the bathroom and our tears

And I feel helpless

Hand-me-downs and birthdays hoped for

Smash cakes and smiling grandparents

Wishing you could have come this summer

But knowing it wasn’t time

Explosions across the sky when you left

Blue light lit up Astoria

Hopeful memories

Leaving spectacularly

Just like how you came

Making us wonder “What if?”

"Travel East"

To where they shred you like a sawmill

Suicidal fortress, forests and forces

Where you can walk into the loving arms

of the death snake

Falling away

Forgetting the pain 

"Rollercoasters Alone"

You could ride them forever

Ups and downs


Quick highs and lows

On repeat

Or you could share them;

Build a life


Diligent, kind, and strong

Because life is not a stack 

of unread eBay comics

DVDs by Kamal in cellophane

Flatscreens in garages

Although it can be all of these things

It is necessary to take a new step

Find love and stability

Flex your muscles

Pray a bit

Cleanse yourself from pass sins

Redemptive, apologetic