MUSIC & EMOTIONAL MEMORY
Posted by MC Lars on Wed, August 26, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Back in June at BFD at Shoreline, a fan gave me a copy of a book called “This is Your Brain on Music” by Daniel J. Levitin. He explores the evolutionary history of music, and dissects why it’s just as important of a human trait as speech or sight. He discusses how we remember music from our adolescence because when we are teenagers we go through a lot of emotional changes. The music we listen to during this period is then associated with those changes, which is why the music from our adolescence has such an emotional resonance later in our lives.
Last week I stayed with K.Flay and her two cool roommates in the Castro. Right now I’m working at Stanford Sierra Camp for a week as a counselor for high schoolers, and it got me thinking – what music has shaped my emotional DNA? How did certain records define certain years of my life, in terms of their emotional impact and long-term significance to me?
- 1990 – second grade – “The Simpsons Sing the Blues”
I remember the addiction to wanting to make tapes of this CD on my Dad’s stereo. I had so much fun sitting on his exercise bike and making tape after tape of the CD to play in different places around the house. It was the original excitement that Napster and file sharing brought, but in a more primitive fashion.
I remember loving the song with Mr. Burns, “Look at All These Idiots”, and learning all the words to Bart’s rap songs. It was a great album that defined second grade for me.
- 1991 – third grade – Kris Kross “Totally Krossed Out”
I bought this CD used at the Wherehouse with my allowance money. The picture of the two kids on the back, looking childlike yet menacing, was intriguing to me. I showed my Dad.
“They look quite superior, don’t they?” he said.
That was how I would think of rappers for the rest of my life. Even at 12, they were supposed to look “superior”. It’s funny how Kris Kross looked so old to me then but look so young now. When they tried to make a comeback (“Young, Rich & Dangerous”), no one really cared.
- 1992 – fourth grade – “Weird Al” Yankovic – Off the Deep End
The first time I heard the “Smells Like Teen Spirit” chords was on Yankovic’s parody. I listened to this album over and over again and told everyone on our fourth grade field trip how “Weird Al” was my favorite musician. I loved the diversity of genres on this album. Every song was so new and fresh to me. I associated this song with moving to Monterey from Oakland and all of the changes. It was the one thing that stayed the same.
- 1993 – fifth grade – Snoop Dogg “Doggystyle”
My friend Ben loaned me this tape. When my Mom picked me up from school we listened to it in the car coming home. I was eleven.
“I don’t want you listening to this,” she said. “Give it back to Ben.”
Was it the glorification of gang bangs, getting high, or drive bys that specifically made my Mom incredulous? Perhaps a mixture of all three. Needless to say, before the tape was given back to Ben I made a copy for myself and listened to it a lot.
- 1994 – sixth grade – Nine Inch Nails “the Downward Spiral”
To hear the chorus of “Closer” as a twelve year old is a life changing experience. My parents got into rock music when the Beatles sang “I Want to Hold Your Hand.” A lot changed in the world of pop music when Trent Reznor got signed.
- 1995 – seventh grade – Primus “Tales from the Punchbowl”
My friends and I were all Primus fans in middle school. “Tales” came out and we desperately tried to convince our parents that “Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver” was a song about an actual pet, not sexual innuendo.
At one of our school dances we had the DJ play an obscure song from this CD. Everyone left.
“What a great way to clear the dance floor,” the DJ said, giving me the album back after he played the song.
What a jerk. Too bad we hadn’t brought the new Ace of Base record for him to spin.
- 1996 – eight grade – Marilyn Manson “Antichrist Superstar”
When I was fourteen, my spiritual quest was in full effect. I’d heard of Marilyn Manson in an AOL chat room back in fifth or sixth grade.
Someone said, “Do you like Marilyn Manson?”
“She’s great,” I said, lying through my keyboard.
“It’s a band dumbass,” the random AOLer said.
I found this record used on a family trip to San Francisco, a week or so before it was supposed to come out. I got really into Marilyn Manson, I even dressed like him for Halloween, complete with purple contacts. It was an awkward time. I’d listen to the CD on church field trips. I loved the story and darkness and the melodies. It put me in a sad mood sometimes, but that’s what early adolescence is about. I liked not having to constantly be happy when I was thinking about a lot of different things. My Dad made me take my Marilyn Manson posters down from my room.
“But he’s a part of me!” I protested.
“Hopefully not a very big part!” he said.
- 1997 – Insane Clown Posse “Great Milenko”
“Shock” music became more enticing to me in high school. I loved ICP because of their weird stories and interesting delivery. I got into ICP because a kid I had traded prank call tapes with from Michigan was an early fan of theirs. I heard about them before the whole controversy with Disney.
I was on the fence about them until I heard their “Halls of Illusions” song – the anger and hopelessness of the stories of the characters in that song was so alien to my prep school world. I loved how they talked about judgment and life and eternity. I saw them live with Twiztid and put a Great Milenko sticker on the Volvo I drove to school. This was my exposure to hip-hop.
- 1998 – Thomas Mapfumo & the Blacks Unlimited “Chimurenga ’98”
This was the first “world music” CD I really got into. I loved the incredible melodies and rhythms. I found it in a random pile of CDs at KSPB, the radio station my privileged Pebble Beach high school let its students run. A lot of the lyrics were hard to understand, but I got the pain and the joy and passion that Mapfumo sang. I lost this CD but recently re-ordered it from Amazon, not having any luck with getting a working torrent for it. The way he sings on this record is so eerie but beautiful.
- 1999 – Twiztid – Mostasteless
I had a huge crush on a girl who barely knew I existed. It was the typical high school thing. I wrote her poems and gave her the burned CD of the song I wrote about her. I was a hopeless adolescent romantic.
I would listen to Twiztid because of the anger and misogyny helped me channel my alienation and frustration with women. Some of the beats on this record are still some of their best. I loved how freaky and over the top they were.
“It’s angry white boy music,” K.Flay told me the other day when we were hanging out in San Francisco on our laptops. “It honestly scares me to death.”
- 2000 – Eminem “The Marshall Mathers LP”
Like everyone, I thought he spelt his name M&M when he first came out. I first read abut him in an article in Rolling Stone, months before his major label debut dropped, where they talked about how he was going to change hip-hop forever. He did.
I will always associate this album with a girl I had a crush on, who I told right before she graduated and I was still a Junior in high school how much I liked. Then my first girlfriend I met dancing to “The Real Slim Shady” at the first school dance of my senior year. I loved the vitriol and the melodies and the rhymes and the flows. “Kim” still gives me chills today. What an amazing album.
- 2001 – Wheatus “Wheatus”
“Teenage Dirtbag” was one of my first girlfriend and my theme songs. We’d put it on mixtapes for eachother and sing along to it in my car. Our story kind of followed this song’s story – I didn’t think she’d like me, we met randomly when it turned out she was just as quirky as me, and our first date was to the Monterey Jazz Festival.
In 2007, I went on tour with Wheatus in the UK and ended up befriending their lead singer Brendan. We worked on a bunch of songs together, including “True Player for Real”, that made my last solo record and featured “Weird Al” on accordion. It’s funny how circular life can be.
- 2002 – Atmosphere “God Loves Ugly”
The summer after my freshman year in college, I worked at a camp near Lake Tahoe for Stanford alumni and their families. I found this CD at a small independent record store in South Lake Tahoe. It was playing on the stereo in the shop.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“It’s some underground Minneapolis hip-hop,” the snowboarding dude working at the store told me. “Check it out.”
I loved the lo-fi production, the honestly, and the lyrics I could relate to. It was hip-hop I understood, “F$&* You Lucy” was a great way for me to deal with breaking up with my first girlfriend a few months before that summer, and I loved how real and effortlessly produced the songs seemed.
I saw Atmosphere with MURS at a warehouse show in San Jose when I got back to college. They set up a janky PA and Slug was on fire that night. He was climbing on the monitors, spitting lyrics and putting on a dynamite show to a small group of Bay Area misfits who were early on the Rhymesayers train.
“You like underground hip-hop?” a cute girl asked me when we were waiting to get in.
“Yeah, I’m actually an MC” I told her. That was the first time I’d ever admitted that to anyone I didn’t know. Slug made me a player.
- 2003 – Brand New “Deja Entendu”
Hadn’t heard of them until my second manager, Tom Gates, hit me up after he’d heard “Radio Pet Fencing”. He sent me a copy of their CD after I saw them live at the Great American Music Hall with him that November when he was in San Francisco.
They made a lot of money from well-produced emo songs. Kids LOVE this band, and I’ll always associate this CD with how having the right songs on MTV and the right machine behind you lining up can turn four mopey Long Island teenagers into icons for a well promoted movement. High five.
- 2004- Eyedea & Abilities “E&A”
“Now” is such a mind blowing song. I met Eyedea in 2002 when he was touring on his “Oliver Heart” record, at a small club in Gilroy where fifteen people came to hear him rap.
“Does anyone live in this shitty town?” he said.
He toured his ass off and made great records. “Hi Lars,” he wrote on the CD I bought that night. “This statement is a lie.” Deeeep….
- 2005 – Weerd Science “Friends and Nervous Breakdowns”
As I finished up my final quarter at Stanford in the summer of 2005, I listened to the Weerd Science record. The day after I turned in my last paper, I went camping in Yosemite with my Aunt and Uncle. I listened to this album the whole ride over there. I will always associate it with finishing college.
“I have a degree” I kept reminding myself as I drove through the mountains. “I’m done! Now I can make awesome hip-hop like this all day and night.”
- 2006 – Zion I & the Grouch “Heroes in the City of Dope”
A girl I was dating from the UK spent the holidays in Carmel with me in the winter of 2006. We hung out and went to see the Zion I & the Grouch show at the Catalyst. It was fantastic. I met the whole crew at SXSW this year, because they’re friends with K.Flay. Everything these guys do is fantastic, they’re working on the next CD right now.
- 2007 – Tegan & Sara “The Con”
I remember driving with my parents to Long Island and listening to this album in the car, crying silently in the back seat. We spent the weekend in the Hamptons with family friends while I was beginning to date a girl from the Northwest who was working in upstate New York that summer while I was writing songs with Wheatus in Northport.
I knew that while I was falling in love with this tattooed Northwestern college girl, it wasn’t going to last because we were much much too different. I explain what went wrong in my rap on “Single and Famous.” The Tegan & Sara record is about how relationships never last, and that basically every passionate romance becomes co-opted by reality along the way.
I was a mess that summer, because I was head over heels for this girl. I put a lot of faith in something that was ultimately doomed, eventually moving in with her against all of my friends and family’s better advice. Financial stress made it so she couldn’t afford to live in California anymore, and when she didn’t get into grad school and her dog hurt its foot, we knew our relationship couldn’t last through all of the insanity and chaos.
When I went to the UK with the Aquabats this spring, I never knew when she drove me to the airport that morning that it would be the last time I’d ever see her. “Letting go,” was the subject of the break-up email she sent after my concert in Glasgow. I cried all the way to London in the van with the Aquabats, burying my head in my arms so no one would suspect anything. How can you be a crybaby in front of the Aquabats? Over a girl? Please. I came back to my apartment and all of her stuff was gone. I had to take her giant dresser to the dump with my Dad.
This album still makes me sad today. Maybe in another universe we could have worked out, if her dog hadn’t hurt himself and she had gotten into grad school and had been able to get a better job in San Francisco. But I wasn’t about to move to Seattle for someone who got mad at me every time I had to be up late working on music or didn’t want to constantly hear about her family drama. Recently, my wonderful ex-girlfriend ended up putting a bunch of art I drew for her and shirts I gave her on eBay as a response to the “Single and Famous” video. She even auctioned off a journal my Mom bought her for Christmas in 2007, misspelled as a journal from “MC Lar’s Mom.” A class act till the end.
I met Tegan at Comic-Con last year.
- 2008 – Hollywood Undead “Swan Songs”
Yes, they’re a gimmick, but you can’t go wrong with great choruses courtesy of Linkn Park’s producer mixed with hard-hitting rap beats. This album is pure fun – every song is catchy, even if the outro on “Young” has the exact same melody as Atom & His Package’s “Metrics” song. These guys know a hook when they hear one.
- 2009 – 3Oh!3 “Want”
I’ll always be impressed by how the dudes who opened for us at Bamboozle Left in 2008 with nothing but beats on a CD player and a guy in a Winnie the Pooh costume went on to kick butt in the pop charts. Their awkward white-boy crunk emo electro fusion struck a nerve with the pop music world. This is post-punk laptop rap on crack and I give them props for writing and producing the right tracks and finding the right people to make them goofy badass international stars.
That 2007 girl kept all your stuff for 2 years. That’s because she didn’t hate your that much!
Did anyone really buy your mom’s journal???
A lot of similarities here.. I saw Weird Al in concert when I was 11.. I did my hair up like the cover on “Bad Hair Day”. Primus is amazing, and I’ll admit to liking Eminem. Brand new is one of my favourite bands, my favourite being “Your Favorite Weapon”.
Awesome taste, Lars. Few things amuse me more than when artists make these lists. I love that you got into nin so young, that’s sweet. Only thing I can’t get behind are the last two…
aw, weird al. <3 my childhood hero as well.
Oh man. I met you in that Glasgow gig in the spring. I’d have given you a massive hug if I knew how you were about to feel once you got your emails. So sorry man. Right now, I know exactly how you felt
Hollywood Undead and 3OH!3? Dude.. they suck. Both give hip hop a bad name. And even if you do like them, I can’t believe you gave 3OH!3 a compliment about their live show. When I saw them (not by choice) the majority of their music was on backing tracks, including any processed vocals. For a band that relies very heavy on the instrument, they didn’t have many synthesizers on the stage. And by that I mean, they didn’t even have any. With like, five or six guys on stage, one could have played a synth. But instead, the played guitar or drums. I didn’t even know there was any guitar or acoustic drums in any of their songs. Not to mention the vocalists voices were in terrible condition.
Don’t even get me started on their sense of humor… oh god…
But anyway, sorry for the long rant. I just hate pretty much any band that is manufactured and/or appropriated by hot topic like those two are.
I dig the rest, though. I wish I had gotten into good music as early as you did. Most of the bands I listen to now I first heard about in 6th grade or later.
Great list. Reminds me of my 17 year old son…
I started introducing him to all kinds of music at a very young age and as a result, now every time I get into his car there is some crazy Japanese punk music or obscure Rock Opera playing. His tolerance for strange is way high. (also, he’s a die hard David Bowie fan)
That’s what I get for letting him watch so much Monty Python before the age of 12. ; )
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